Sunday, August 21, 2016

What is Dynamic Psychotherapy?

Dynamic Psychotherapy: A Depth-Oriented Approach

There are many approaches to counseling and psychotherapy.  Each approach, and each therapist, answers the question, “How does healing happen?” somewhat differently.  If I were to articulate my approach succinctly, I believe that healing happens in the context of being deeply known and understood such that we can understand ourselves (and others) and thereby grow as more whole people and gain the wisdom and courage to choose well for ourselves and for our relationships. 
 
Dynamic psychotherapy is an orientation to therapy that facilitates this process.   It is appreciated by clients because the experience of depth listening can uniquely address the deep and various parts of the self and relationships.  This approach helps clients experience and resolve core developmental needs that so often contribute to unresolved relational, sexual or psychological issues.  It can be used to address a variety of presenting problems, whether anxiety, depression, couples communication breakdowns, eating disorders, sexual addiction.  Dynamic psychotherapy as a general orientation may incorporate interventions from other traditions such as cognitive behavioral exercises, EMDR, body work, expressive therapy exercises, etc.  It can be utilized in individual as well as couples work. 

The following is a summary introduction to dynamic psychotherapy by Dr. Lawrence Hedges (used with permission). 

“Dynamic psychotherapy originated with the work of Dr. Sigmund Freud in Vienna in the late nineteenth century. Therapy is both a way of understanding human emotions and of helping people with their relationships and their personal problems. The mature or rational self that functions more or less successfully in the real world is only a part of the total person. The more immature, irrational, or unconscious self functions silently in the background to produce various symptoms and maladaptive behaviors that often intrude into the person's social life, personal relationships, school or work activities, and physical health. In dynamic psychotherapy specific problems are viewed in the context of the whole person. The quest for self-knowledge is seen as the most important key to changing attitudes and behavior.

Dynamic psychotherapy is based on the insight that our personalities are the result of passing through and solving relationship issues at many developmental stages. At any stage, the way we have reacted to events in our lives may have caused us to get stuck at a certain level of insight or problem solving. While we go ahead and mature satisfactorily, in many ways we may carry within us the parts that didn't have a chance to develop. We can have a mature exterior and be functioning more or less successfully, while internally we may feel vulnerable, confused, depressed, angry, afraid, and childlike. We may not feel able to bounce back from rejection, get past blocks, allow our real feelings to surface, or stay in touch with our feelings and desires. Our physical health may be compromised in many ways by emotional and relationship issues.

Dynamic psychotherapy is designed to help the client get in touch with her or his unconscious memories, feelings, and desires that are not readily available to the conscious mind. Therapy is designed to help clients of all ages understand how their unconscious feelings and thoughts affect the ways they act, react, think, feel, and relate. Whether or not therapy works depends a great deal on the client's willingness and ability to experience all relationships deeply, especially the therapeutic relationship. Each client, by expressing her or his story in whatever ways possible to someone who knows how to listen and to give new meanings back, has the opportunity to learn about herself or himself in a new way.

Dynamic psychotherapy can provide a safe place for people of whatever age to discover for themselves their own truths. It provides a unique opportunity to re-experience personal history in a new relationship, to see it in a new way, and to make connections between past and current conflicts that illuminate the way one relates to oneself and to others.

Clients are encouraged to talk about thoughts and feelings that come up about therapy or about the therapist. These feelings are important because elements of one's earliest affections and hostilities toward parents and siblings are often shifted onto the therapist and the process of therapy. This phenomenon, known as "transference," offers a rich source of understanding, for it offers the possibility for people to re-experience and re-work important feelings arising from the past with the maturity they possess in the present.

Dynamic psychotherapy is usually not a short-term therapy as it takes time to explore the complex layers of feeling and experience that make up a person's own unique relationship history. People find that their therapy can easily extend for several years but there is no prescribed length of treatment. Only the people closely involved have a sense of when personal goals have been met. When the client feels she or he has accomplished the desired goals, then a termination date can be set and agreed upon.

Dynamic psychotherapy aims to help people experience life more deeply, enjoy more satisfying relationships, resolve painful conflicts, and better integrate all the parts of their personalities. Perhaps its greatest potential gift is the essential freedom to change and to continue to grow in relationships.”
 
In the context of a consultation, I would be happy to assess what approach might be most beneficial to address your concerns.  Please contact me by phone (714-262-4445, ext. 2) or email (Catherine@soulrestorationproject.org) to set up an appointment. 
 

Wednesday, April 20, 2016

Taking a Time-Out, for Couples

How can you and your significant other manage a conversation that is escalating into a fight?  You know how you feel when the cycle is in motion...  You get triggered... and then you find yourself unable to refrain from yelling, or bringing up the past, or blaming or shutting down.  We sometimes hope that this time the conversation will end differently.  But usually it doesn't.  Often hurtful words are exchanged, deepening the disconnection.

When couples get stuck in destructive patterns of fighting, calling a time-out can help interrupt it.

A time-out is a structured format that interrupts a negative cycle by allowing time for the body and the brain to recover from the physiological arousal of fight/flight/freeze that can get activated in the face of conflict.  With a time-out a person can more likely transition to using the part of the brain (the pre-frontal cortex) that is capable of thoughtfulness, awareness and care.

There are important elements that help a "time out" be successful, rather than an exercise in frustration or failure.  For example, essential to "calling a time-out" is an honest commitment to resume the conversation at a specific time.  This helps the partner who would rather continue the conversation/fight feel some reassurance that the time-out isn't "just an avoidance tactic."

A time-out can give a couple a needed break to come back to each other in a more constructive way.  But calling a time-out isn't easy... it requires agreement, discipline and practice.  If you are needing a tool to help decrease destructive conflicts and increase connection, give it a try! 

When I work with couples we read through the following structured way of calling a time-out, consider how it might be helpful, how it might be difficult, and then, if they think it will be beneficial, they agree to practice the following the steps.

Successfully implementing this has helped many couples feel more confident, loving and secure.  Let me know how it goes!  -- Catherine Morrill       

So, here it is...
How to Take a Time-Out
 
 A time-out can help you avoid saying or doing things that will hurt your relationship.  A time-out is NOT meant to help you avoid issues.  It is a tool that can help you regain perspective so that you CAN more successfully work through and resolve an issue.

Start by becoming familiar with the indicators that you need a time-out.  They may include:
·        You are so overwhelmed by your feelings of anger, frustration, jealousy or other strong emotion that you can’t relate meaningfully.

·        You want to escalate the conflict to prove your point or “make” the other person hear you.

·        You want to bring up things from the past that you know would be hurtful.

·        You have lost perspective and are no longer thinking about resolution or understanding.

·        You are unable to articulate your thoughts and feelings in a meaningful way.  Perhaps you are blaming the other person or are shut down.

·        You are not able to listen to your partner.  You may be interrupting, making assumptions and/or dismissing what s/he is saying.

·        You are feeling unsafe.
Then Take a Time-Out Using These Steps:
1.      Call a Time-Out

a.      State that you need a time-out.  Ie: “I need a time-out.”  NOT “You” or “We” …need a time out.

b.      Affirm that you are willing to continue the conversation.

c.      Suggest and agree on a time to continue the conversation.
 
2.      Do some individual work: relax, reflect, remember

·        Do something to release the emotional intensity: deep breathing, go for a walk/run, go outside, pray/meditate, take a shower.

·        Ask yourself what triggered your emotional response.  Journal your thoughts and feelings to help you understand what is happening inside of you.  Utilize the “What are we Fighting About” sheet to consider the layers.

·        Remember what’s important: creating a win-win and understanding one another is more important than “winning” the fight.

3.      Resume the conversation

·        Listen generously, seeking to understand his/her thoughts and feelings.

·        Share your own thoughts, feelings and needs.

·        Consider what you could repair by apologizing [see apology blog].

A time-out is simple (in some ways) but by no means easy.  And it isn't one size fits all.  For help in your relationship, I welcome you to contact me to set up a consultation.  You can email me at Catherine@soulrestorationproject.org or call me at 714.262.4445, ext. 2.