Healthy Relationship Check List

This morning I spoke on "When Couples Therapy Can be Helpful/Needed" at the North Orange County New Song Church's Mom's Group.  Many of the women found the following "Healthy Relationship Check List" very helpful.  So here it is for you!

 

Each spouse/partner should complete the survey separately, answering "Yes" or "No" to the following questions.

1. Can you communicate your needs clearly?
2. Do you find it easy to talk to your spouse?
3. Do you find it easy to listen to your spouse?
4. Do you assertively express your feelings?
5. Are you aware of and attentive to the emotional needs of your spouse?
6. Are you aware of your needs and are they as important as those of your spouse?
7. Do you and your spouse spend time together in shared activities?
8. Do you have other meaningful relationships and interests?
9. Do you work through significant conflicts?
10. When you attempt to resolve a conflict or make a decision is your negotiation fair and democratic?
11. Do you let go of the need to "be right"?
12. Are you open to constructive feedback?
13. Do you forgive yourself and your spouse?
14. Do you accept your mistakes and learn from them?
15. Do you fulfill each other's sexual needs?
16. Do you share the chores and responsibilities of the marriage/family equally?
17. Do you support each other's relationships with family?
18. Is your marriage free from intimidation and abuse of all kinds?
19. Is there "space" in your marriage for you to grow and be yourself?
20. Are you able to care for each other in times of hardship or illness?
21. Do you trust your partner to tell you the truth at all times?
22. Do you feel good about yourself when you are with your partner?
23. Do you have clear and explicit agreements and boundaries (yet allow for flexibility)?
24. Are play, humor, and having fun together commonplace?
25. Are you willing to take risks and be vulnerable?
26. Can you enjoy being alone and is privacy respected?
27. Do you take responsibility for your own behaviors and happiness?

Compare your answers.

Then, make a list of all of the items that either one of you answered "No".

Discuss the importance of these qualities. If there are several, and you feel they are important, discuss how you can work toward achieving these goals.

If you struggle to communicate, or cannot agree on important characteristics of a healthy relationship you may want to consider couples counseling.

This survey was adapted from http://www.no-problem-marriage-counseling.com/couple-counseling-questionnaire.html